Thursday, June 5, 2008

Somewhere in some fantasy land...

Trolls lurking in the woods-banshees screaming to the damned Irish souls-ogres on the lookout of animated Shrek-Dragons setting the heavens ablaze-Centaurs beating boar skinned drums-Grave stones cracking up to give way to the buried corpses!

All this was happening somewhere in some fantasy land while I was busy filing my nails. Having survived examination holocaust, the silence that prevailed was maddening. More so because the headphones were dumbfucks and I couldnt run the risk of waking up the tyrant, who shall henceforth be referred to as Yeti, by listening divine symphonies...

So I ventured back to the fantasy land.
Something was happening there- 3 AM - witching hour it was..Elves ,fairies , witches, goblins, leprechauns alike...all good and ebil forces were hatching a conspiracy- and ebil plot to revive the ebil kitty. Since all the good powers were preoccupied and prepaid-Prince Caspian has gone to Hollywood to attend the premiere of his latest movie- Captain Jack Sparrow is not quite satisfied with his Versace pirate suit- Harry Potter is at Easter Island for his Barmitzwah. All the other child vigilantes were going through hormonal changes. The rest just hadn't read my blog as yet...

Meanwhile, the executioner -my mother- was trying her utmost to revive Yeti from his slumberous diurnal hibernation. I thrived on Jehovah's merciful powers!!*shivers*

Shifting back to fantasy land. The Temple of Doom was sulking as it was not included in the seven wonders. It could have defeated Taj right in its marbled face if given a chance.*sigh*
Doom creeped in from all the seven ancient directions to our fantasy land-Hurricane Katrina swept away all the beach houses and beach babes-Tsunamis engulfed all holiday resorts-Sea storms and tempests swallowed the sea nyphs and mermen and merrows-The prophecy had come true-a black President had risen from the internal sea of politics!!

In the meantime, Yeti's snores were diminishing and formidable yawns were breaking through.*trembles*

AH!Ghastly! The ebil kitty's reincarnation had reached its completion. Horror of Horrors!
Resonating thunderstorms- Annhilation of the ancient Titans- Behold! Belladona besmeared vegetation- gorillas climbing empire state buildings but Charlise Theron not to be found only-Cheerleaders' pelvic thrusts-Sentinel's jaw drops to the ground- More Black cheerleaders imported to the fantasy land as punishment.PAIN-DEATH-MAYHEM-SUFFERING-SENSATION!!

In the end-I just flew to the fantasy land on my very own Dullahan ( headless phantom heheh)
Slung a wool ball to the kitty, it got entangled, demonic possession ended,Good forces defeated ebil forces yet again!

Yeti' still busy in his wool gathering. And as a reward for my heroic deed, Zeus -my buddy, gave me a holy scroll that read.......some greek shit...
and then in the was wriitten-PS..Your brother is infact a CHANGELING!!
ZOMGOMOGMGOMG! HAW! Well I always knew it. So before he could turn on his charm, I had filed my nails into the perfect shape to clench his deformed neck..AHAHAHAH!
*stoopid blog it is I knOw*
*bows down to its readers who had the strength to endure it*

Thursday, March 27, 2008

The Biotech Chronicles

Caution: Heartless people, Transgenders n Transvestites and ofcourse Rakhi Sawant's fans are requested to stay away from this article. The author cannot be held responsible for any mishappening, injury, heart atack or even death caused by her ruthless comment. Those of you wondering what the heck the title stands for~~let me clarify it has got nothing to do with biotech or stuff.

So it all began on one fine day{well make dat night} around 1 am in the morning . {Yeah! dat is the time you were busy dreamin about your prince charming n dat is the time Fairy godmothers go on a date wid sandman!!}
Me- I was studying the great elusive subject of ~~Biotech{ i dont know where it originated from ..probably some tribal area}_sister to Biology_step mom to all of us_!!!

As I was engrossed in SNPs and mutational genetics, a strange and eerie noise caught my attention. It was kinda chu chu thingy. I ignored it and dived back into the genes and macromolecules. But that chu chu noise started coming oftener. Normally I would have challenged Macbeth as being Valour's minion, but at the moment my blood cells had become sickle shaped { i.e i turned pale DUMBO}

The Tyrant was also right there at the scene of crime {studying ~~or as it seemed to me , eating high calorific value foodstuff and increasing his trans fats} ,. So the point is, he is usually of no use, but at times like dese, he offers a helping hand by giving all sorts of impossible possibilities.

Meanwhile the noise started getting louder and shriller { like me singingin the bathroom}
I tiptoed to the gallery and brought a torch, jumped onto the window pane and peered through it, hoping to find some chor uchakka or sumthin. But the noise had ceased to disturb me.

I returned to me-dear-SNPs. Some of the posibilities under examination were:
# A chor uchakka trying to cut throught he kitchen door and steal all my colored pencils or sumthin. This possibility was later turned down because of the James-of-the-bond technology operating at me-dear-housie!!
# Maybe it was a mutant lizroach. A cockroach might have fallen in luv wid sum lizard { n u thought it was lizzie mcguire..hahah} and given birth to this 6 six headed 6 legged and 6 tattoed monster!!AAaAAAA!!
# Perhaps the creeper that surrounded the window must have undergone sum sequence variation {SNPs Idiot!!} and transformed into a man eating carnivore **shivers**

In the mean time I found a strange correlation between my gettin up and that chu chu thingy. Whenever i used to get up, it stopped, and as soon as i sat down, it statrted off. HORRORS!!
Time for testing my super intelligent brain. I stood up~~it stopped, sat down ~~chu chu ~~stood ~~silence~~sat~~chuc hu. My heart had almost resigned from its job. Just then i heard my dad's irritating mobile ringing. Man, that cost me a lil less than a PERMANENT DYSFUNCTION OF ALL BODY SYSTEMS.

The Sms read that the last call costed 12 rupees.Damn! who made that call neway???
Maybe , since it was connected to the computer, the ghost{ whose pretty wallpaer i had downloaded the other day} must have been trying to possess it.Another possibility was that of a parallel universe~~perhaps someone was trying to make a contact to save us from another tsunami drowning the kalahari desert, or an earthquake that might bring back Atlantis to the surface.**shivers***

Amogst all these mindnumbing experiences, i found something really strange. The tyrant didnt even move an inch. I know hes a bad actor~~so cant be his ACTING. Perhaps he has outgrown his tummy and is unable to excavate himself from the crater he has created on the bed. It was getting on my nerves chu chu chu chu. and as got up ~~eerie silence!!*shivers**

Drops of perspiration were drowning my biotech notes, all seemed to be forgotten except that chu chu chu. After passing those gruelling 20 minutes, i noticed that the tyrant was acting strange. So this is what it was~~a stupid dumb lil toy that was meant to be flled with water had got the better of me. since t was empty~~it was making that chu chu thingy!!
**shivers*** { actually i was shivering cuz of thanda thanda water...n u thought i was afraid..d'uh}

Man. I dare say if i could tear his DNA helix into two at the moment , I dare say i would have pleasurably done it.Damn! An antisense i mean nonsense codon {well make dat nonsense moron} had got my pants messed up, I mean he almost did!!

So another mystery solved, but one mystery is still to be cracked. No not the biotech paper but that SMS. Man, if that ghost was talking to his girlfriend, he sure is gonna pay for the call. After all i can buy myself a pack of kurkure and turn myself into a cybrid of kurkure and humans, and remove poverty and hunger from the face of the earth..And even Rakhi Sawant!!

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Wtf , its not xmas eve...!!

Dear godly God,

I m a really simple n sweet gurl buried deep under the filthy stuff ur angels wrote ages ago, but the torture remains unending. Who the fuck is shakespeare anyway??Gawd!! even ekta kapoor shld take lessons from dat guy on how to tell the same story a thousand times but with sundry elizabethan names to lay in restless ecstasy....after life's fitful fever he sleeps well!! WAKE HIM UP FRM HIS GRAVE AND BANISH HIM TO AZKABAN OR SUMTHIN!! [i wonder if JK rowling is gonna sue me for this]

and regarding physics, God whoever told einstein he looked good in dat hairstyle should be eaten to bits...Ppl say hes autistic..he spent days on end without eating, sleepin [i wonder abt going to the loo] doing crazy stuff we now call physics. wtf even us children hve to do da same during exams but we never got any nobel prize for it?? GOD, WAKE HIM UP, FIRST SEND HIM TO A BARBER , LOCK HIM UP IN A SPACESHIP AND SEND HIM OFF WITH A SPEED COMPARABLE TO LIGHT SO DAT HIS MASS KEEPS ON INCREASING N HE EXPLODES IN OUTER SPACE!!

hell yeah wat to say regarding chemistry... dere's no chemistry at all between us children n chemistry..the great mystery left unsolved by sherlock holmes , who went into hiding after dis grand failure of his. Why do elctrons not be like gud kids n stay in place n do wateva deir mommy nucleus tells dem??why cant all the reactions give the same products ??GOD LEAVE ALL THE CHEMISTRY BETWEEN YOUNG BoYS AND GURLS, AND THROW THE REST INTO AN ALIEN PLANET SO DAT DEIR CHILDREN WILL BECUM ZOMBIES READIN N STUDYIN ALL DAT CRAP, N DERE WONT BE ANY PROCREATION SO WE'LL BE SAVED FROM AN ALIEN ATTACK!![ see how intelligent i am]

*sighs* maths still left. There was once a lil red riding hood who was going to her lil red biking dude. on the way she met her step sister. she asked her how old was she??but woe alas she was only sixteen. But lil red riding hood spent all the time counting it on her fingers but she couldnt find the 11th one. So lil red biking dude dumped lil red riding hood n ran away wid her step sister, n lived happily ever after. * dumb story* of course teachers think dat maths can save us from this sorta mishap...but we've learnt dat much maths ages ago..i just dont understand wat dis trigonometry is gonna help us in our lives?? i mean nobody is gonna ask u wats da sin of ur brains wen ur getting married..!! GOD LEAVE ALL THE NUMBERS FOR MONKEYS N APES N FREE US HUMANS FROM THE ETERNAL TYRANNY OF NUMBERS....WOAH LETS JUST BEAT THAT GUY WHOEVER INVENTED ZERO..CUZ WITHOUT HIM MATHS WLDNT HVE EXISTED...N WLDNT DAT HVE BEEN GREAT??

Godly God i know u hve been listening patiently to all dis, n tommorrow the great battle of boards is starting. many hve fought n sacrificed deir lives. Please save us frm the great warrior teachers. make dem forget everything . postpone the exams. or bring back macbeth n his three witches.. i wanna know my worst future through the worst means!! and whoever doesnt know wat dis means...ABE SAALON JAAKE PADD LO 3RD KO LITERATURE KA HI EXAM HAI!


Zoey [not my real name]